Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize