where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
