Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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