i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't deserve a penis
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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