We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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