Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
