I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
