Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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