Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
