Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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