Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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