I wish i was in the wii world.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize