A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
