it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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