She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
