i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
