So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
