thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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