I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
