I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
