That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
