So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize