i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
