I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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