so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize
