Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
