So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
