if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
