Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
now i know why i became what i already was.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
