she smelled like a LAN party
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize