I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
