So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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