I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
