at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
