Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
there is glitter all over my balls
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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