I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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