I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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