Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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