Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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