I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I understand Curling. That high.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
