I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
