Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
