He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
