Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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