dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
