Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
