It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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