oh god the rape fog is back!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
