At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
