new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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