last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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