we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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