remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
