i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
