why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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