do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
