I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
