i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
