a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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