Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
