did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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