I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
