actually, I'm a sock model
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
