just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
