He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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