i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Boobs speak an international language.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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