dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
