yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
