I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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