I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
