my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
