i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
